Am I sick?

Nearly 2 weeks ago I went to my friend Rebecca. I visited her because she is the proud mother of my beloved godchild. And what else purpose does a godchild serve than to be cuddled.. a lot? He’s such a handsome little chap. It’s not possible not to love him.
But this blogmessage isn’t about expressing how deep my love for this little creature is. No it’s about something rather funny, but also disturbing that happened when I was there.
During my visit a friend of Rebecca was there too. You know how that goes… Babies need a lot of attention. Especially when just popped out of the woumb.
But how deeply I am in love with that child, I really don’t like that guy who was there. But because I am such a nice and pleasant human being, I have never shown this guy any disrespect whatsoever. And I’ seen him around for the past 4 to 5 years. So that means a lot.
But back to the disturbing fairytale…
As weleducated people do on a regular sundayafternoon, we sat down, drank some coffee, ate some cake, talked. And Rebecca soon started telling the story about my trip to Krakow. She also told me, the first I heard about it, that the people of Jong Groen! were concidering to call my father.
And suddenly this nasty guy just blurred out that that would be such a mistake because; ‘I was still sick, wasn’t I?’

At that moment I was totally stunned. I couldn’t recall being sick was the problem between me and my father. It was nothing to to with my health whatsoever.
And just at the second, I wanted to ask what kind of sickness I had according to him, Rebecca launched her attack. She was saying how inappropriate it was nowadays to call homosexuals sick and how sick it indeed was to cast out son just because he’s gay.
They went on discussing for a while, but I was left speechless. I couldn’t say one word.

Surely, I’ve been called worser things than that. But It was shocking to hear that there and then. From a guy, who I knew for a while now and whilst Maarten, my godchild, was sleeping in the room nextdoor.

Is it that I’ve become a bit blind for homophobia in our so-called progressive country? Was it way too long ago that I faced homophobia here in Western-Europe from a scary white male?
I don’t know.

I just know that I’m not sick at all.
I’m a bit crazy, that’s true. And that gives people doubts about my mental health. But hell… that’s just me. That’s not being sick.

However, the words of this probably-never-been-fucked-dude made me sad and angry at the same time.
Sad because I know that Maarten will have to grow up in a society where those kinds of things still can be said, that those kinds of beliefs still excist.
But Angry too. Angry because I don’t Maarten to be confronted with those kind of narrowminded idea’s. I just don’t want that. I’ll probably become the most protective godfather off them all and Maarten will hate me for that when he’s older. But in a way Maarten feels like my hope in the future of this world. And i don’t want that future to be ruined by some hatefull people.
That beautiful African – South-American baby should never have to endure such faulty words or nasty sayings.
God! Let’s hope my heart doesn’t break when he starts school.


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