Oh Mother

It’s been a while now that you were out of my life.
Ad all this time I’ve kept thinking about you… you and me.

Sometimes there were happy memories.
Like the times we celebrated christmas when a was a little, little child.
At those times we were like a big happy family… you, me and my brothers.
Those times were the happiest times of my young life.
Or the times during the summer when I was really little.
You went cycling with me sitting in an orange chair behind you on your bike.
I still remember how happy and protected I felt at those occassions with the sun and the wind in my little face.

But sometimes there were also bad memories.
Like the time you totally freaked out when I ate a waffle and made the kitchen dirty. You yelled at me that I wasn’t your son, but I was the son of my father with his evil caracter.
Or like the time that I was homeless because my father kicked me out of his house and I called in total despair. Just to get a roof over my head for a night. And you just said that there was no room in your house and in your heart for me.

For years now I felt like an orphin;
with no mother or father, at least not the loving types.
I felt insecure, not knowing if I was ever able to give to someone because I felt that I had never experienced love when I was younger.
I felt rejected, from both you and my father.
Both blaiming me that I was the son of the other… while I am the son of both of you.
But you didn’t hear me… you refussed to talk to me.

And now I see you lying there.
With all those tubes sticking in your body.
That awfull beep-beepsound on the background.
Your eyes closed.
Your face pale like a dead body.

The only thing I can say now is that I love you.
For one odd reason my blood loves your blood.

I can only hope that you one day will return my love.
I’ll b waiting here.
I’ll be waiting here in that ugly green seat next to your bed.

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2 responses to “Oh Mother

  1. i remember the very first day in amsterdam that i saw u for the first time, and then another scene comes; a whole day long trip in the channel, at the back af the boat u staring around…but the most significant memory is the day at green’s office in bcn…you me your family your friends my family my friends…since then you are in my heart your pain is mine…battal i’m not wishing that you were my brother anymore becouse i know you are…love you

  2. I’m not gonna give my heart and soul away here… I don’t know what it feels like to lose my mother, and I don’t want to know what it feels like, because that would mean the end of my life, even though we don’t always agree. I know what it is to lose my father though. He’s still alive, but he’s nothing more than just another waste of space. He’s not my father, he hasn’t been for a long time, and he will never be.

    although I have ohters things on my mind, this text has struck me. Now I’m crying over two things…

    Love you xXx

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